I am saddened with the fact that C-section (Caesarean) Mamas face a little judgment when natural birth didn’t go as planned. There’s that feeling of being less than a mother. Is this true?
One fact is…the stigma is real and this should not even exist.
“A good mother isn’t defined by the process of labor or whether she breastfeeds or not. A good mother is defined by the sacrifices and love she gives to her child.”- Unknown
It’s 12:10 midnight right now and it’s exactly the same time when Little M was born. Memories start flashing on how my birth story started.
I can’t believe it’s almost a year since I became a new Mama. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t so hard. But there are a lot of things I realized at this very moment.
For those who don’t know, I am a C-section Mama and it’s okay! There’s a scar that will forever be with me and it’s a reminder of my own beautiful birth story.
I read this article “The Truths that people need to know about women who had a caesarean section” from Top Healthy and you should give it a read. It outlines the Truth and the common Myths about C-section birth.
I remember what I was told. All throughout my prenatal check-ups, I had no complications. I was so positive I’ll be having a baby by natural birth.
I went for prenatal yoga classes. I walked almost every day. I was working up until 1 week before my due date. I had no issues at all. I felt so positive and active.
A day prior, my husband and I walked around the neighborhood; not caring about the rain that hit us. I was getting there. He’s coming soon.
At 39 weeks, I started feeling anxious. Am I feeling contractions? How do I know if they are real or not? I kept counting…Is this really it?
In addition, our hospital bags were ready. Everything was packed since my 36th-week mark. I knew I was getting there. I’m excited. Who’s not?
At 10pm, I started feeling different that we immediately went to the hospital. I was given Pitocin to help induce my labor at 2 cm dilation.
But wait…I was sent home for the night and was told to come back the next morning. I’m glad I still have the night to rest at home.
In reality, I wasn’t able to rest ‘coz I was up the whole night. It won’t be too long, and he will be here.
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It’s now 7 am, we came back to the hospital. I was checked and remained at 3 cm. But yes, I am finally staying; they’re no longer sending me home. This is it.
From the time we arrived, I was up and about. I kept walking, dancing, and bouncing with the ball. My nurse was so proud of me that I kept dancing and moving. I wasn’t resting.
However, I was already feeling the pain every time there was a contraction. I got this.
In my thoughts, I’ll be like the ideal mama but I wasn’t. It will be an easy push. I won’t be getting an epidural. He will come on his own. He’s a strong baby and I’m a strong Mama. We got this.
Then the water broke. Contractions were getting stronger,but dilation remained at 4 cm. Oxytocin was given until the rate was maxed out. Still, there was no progress. Now what? What’s next?
It’s now 12 hours of labor with the maxed-out medication. I started feeling worried. The doctor came and explained to us the circumstances. It’s 11:30 pm and tears slowly fell on my face. I have to decide.
Do I want to proceed with another diagnostic test and prove that there’s really no progress? Or Am I opting for a C-section?
DENIAL AND ACCEPTANCE
It took me a while to make a decision. My husband and I discussed the options. I was hoping for another chance. But there isn’t anymore.
My labor wasn’t progressing. I knew my baby would be above average for his size. But I am hopeful. I am strong. I am able to push and be able to deliver normally. But no. I can’t.
If we wait for another test, it won’t give progress. It will delay the situation and it will end up the same. Then I finally gave in as my pelvis was small enough for the baby’s size. I am having a Caesarean section.
Now I was now rushed to the Operating Room. I had a long rough day. I knew it was time. I will be a Mama soon. My husband was with me.
I remember I was shaking, with the fear of passing out. I also have a history of Mitral Valve Prolapse so this was pushing me so hard to think positively and never give up.
I was fighting the situation despite the uneasy feeling. My hands were shaking, and
Now I asked myself. Was I hurt because I can’t deliver normally? I wonder if I was on denial or did I just accept the fact?
At 12:10 am, he finally arrived. A baby was born at 8.7 lbs. and 56 cm. They brought him to see me. His face, his eyes were just staring at me.
I got the first glimpse of our little boy – red and furious, with a face like a dumpling. I know he can’t see yet, but that time was the most precious moment of my life.
I will never forget that time. He felt his Mama. I felt my child. He heard me.
I’d wanted to do skin-to-skin straight away, but it obviously wasn’t convenient, so I had to be satisfied with him lying on my upper chest while the surgeons worked to stitch me up.
I never thought this could happen…a tiny human was just laying down across me, looking as if he had known me for a long time…my heart just melted. I am a Mom and forever will be. I am happy. I felt blessed.
I was then wheeled to the recovery room, where I first fed my baby. He got his reflex immediately working. He immediately latched. I was a proud Mama. Oh boy oh boy.
One interesting thing that happened was I was stitched up quickly due to an emergency C-section of another Mom. The surgeon came back to apologize.
This didn’t bother me at the moment. I told myself that Little M was a hero from the start; that in spite of the circumstances, we were both safe and we were able to save another life.
The next day, I was discharged with no complications. Just like that. As I said, I’m a C-section Mama and it’s okay.
Yes, I may have delivered successfully but having a C-section has brought some strange feelings in the beginning.
I accepted it right from the start but when someone asks, why do I always have to defend the reason when I don’t have to?
Why do I have to explain what lead me to a surgical birth when I don’t have to?
Although it can be difficult to ignore these feelings, they fade with time. It can be hard to ignore comments from other people.
Talking to other parents who have had C-sections has helped me.
Truly, I can say I felt happy with the decision we made. But some may find it challenging to deal with.
If my birth didn’t go the way I expected, I’m glad I didn’t feel I wasn’t in control of what was happening or that I didn’t ‘do it right’. I’m glad I didn’t feel that I have let my baby down.
However, if you feel this way, don’t hesitate to reach out. Talk to somebody as it can help. It’s not easy and it’s a common feeling. Keep strong Mama. It’s okay!
How about you? Are you a C-section Mama? Did you feel what I felt? Share your thoughts!
” I finally realized that I was justifying my decision to have a C-section, even though it was needed for what’s best for me and the baby. Now I have accepted freely that I made the right decision for myself and my little one and that is all that matters.”
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